Time for Love and Art

Because I’d loved her more than anyone
That I had met before, much more than I
Should have, I came in to this crisis and the sun
Slow-setting on my spirit, made this cry
Go echo deeper through the lonely lands.
The emptiness that was in me, unknown
Still by me as I tried to fill demands
Made by the hollow that I made my own
Enfeebled way to touch my poor-souled spirit
To others’ through her soul, it never could
Connect me to another, I’m a weak fit –
Something I learned when she left me for good.
Provoking reason now asks me, a plea:
Should I try to connect – or should I flee?

Provoking reason now asks me, a plea:
Why couldn’t reason help me to get out?
Should I try to connect – or should I flee
Society to learn something about
Myself, as separate from all the others
Who do not seem to want me here, around?
Why, every person I know only smothers,
Refusing even to try out the ground
I’ve cleared before them – but these new ideas
Are frightening the sheep – so I will let
Them plummet to their rotten panacea –
I should not have to have this burden, set
To give us insight of immanent death
That everyone must face to get new breath.

To give us insight of immanent death
Created in this fractal-loving time
That everyone must face to get new breath,
Is dark and light, descent and angled climb
We cannot do without if we create–
Through either thought or touch. I need a touch,
A body against mine, in love or hate,
I’ll take one, both too little and too much.
I would have either one or even both,
I’d take disdain for naked flesh that caused
Me so much pain – to go or else betroth
Me to her now and, then, to death. What paused
In this, my life? I’ve found a consolation
In nothing, just a dual isolation.

In this, my life? I’ve found a consolation
In all this terror that I feel, new belief
In nothing, just a dual isolation
Made into one, identical and brief.
I can no longer see the differences
Among these things or even anyone.
Is there room even for the preferences
One has for good or evil, pain or fun?
This prickly world endangers, angers, worries
Me more and more with every passing moment
I stay – I feel behind the deadly Furies
Come up on me to kill or make me repent.
My consolation’s one: the world’s purpose
Remains to me clear – it is just here for us.

My consolation’s one: the world’s purpose
Has slipped away, and now only one thing
Remains to me clear – it is just here for us
That seas exist, in order just to bring
Increasing senses that no clear direction
Exists for us to find, or to attach
Ourselves to. In the sea my old reflection
Will wash away, each wave more than a match
For this mishap of my identity.
I’m lost, nowhere to go, not anywhere,
But powerless in all reality
Of going back to where I was – the fare
So much to pay that I could not afford
To pay to make such a little reward.

So much to pay that I could not afford
Has been charged me for these loving feelings.
To pay to make such a little reward
Seems so unfair – these incoherent dealings
Betrayed my mind and made my life unclear.
All now is pain, every person the same –
The way that we relate just brings us fear –
No certainty exists in this dark flame,
Only the likelihood of loneliness
To rule my life that now is so unclear
That I cannot discern within this mess
I call my life, once ocean, blue, now tear.
I feel the world is losing its coherence –
The world is dark and nothing to me makes sense.

I feel the world is losing its coherence –
The dark abyss before me opens now.
The world is dark and nothing to me makes sense
And I can see me staring back. So how
Can I escape the torturing old pain,
These mad, dark voices rock and reel my mind
In wave on wave – am I really insane?
I feel the ropes, the tightening cold bind
Of pure becoming, terrible sweet chaos.
Is this where she has driven me, a life
Full of this bottomless abyss of cold loss –
A storm creating high whitecaps of strife?
My greatest fear no longer is of her,
But finding madness what I now prefer.

My greatest fear no longer is of her
I’ve now become unite-divided with.
But finding madness what I now prefer
Was as surprising as finding the myth
Of Nietzsche’s black abyss was set in truth.
I have descended, carelessly have peered
Into the echoing void of my youth
And inexperience – all that I feared
Has truly come, I’m surprised to find
A comfort there in all the aftermath.
My fear is something I have redefined
Into a new and sun-lit upward path.
I’ve learned the world can never be controlled,
It’s beauty that I have learned to behold.

I’ve learned the world can never be controlled –
The world becomes to me much clearer now.
It’s beauty that I have learned to behold,
These islands have emerged over my bow,
Upon the opening horizon, sun
That peers out through the dark chaotic clouds.
I still cannot make out the sea, but none
Of my old fear before that brought me crowds–
I just see the increasing clearness,
Such an improvement over my deep fear
Of the abyss. The gold path up, the slowness
In the rebuilding of my self now clear.
In time I know I will find on this road
The way to better living and abode.

In time I know I will find on this road
A clear direction and a fresher sea.
The way to better living and abode
Lies clear out in the country wide to me.
I feel myself arising on the tide,
The world spreads out before me, all time endless
And one, the world is one and unified.
I feel life lifting from me all the senseless
Depression I’d before had brought and darkened
The world that I had never learned to love,
The world that now has lovingly enhearkened
Me back from the abyss – I am above
All of the things that once had caused me pain –
All of this clearly will bring me much gain.

All of the things that once had caused me pain
Has raised me up into a newfound purpose.
All of this clearly will bring me much gain:
Immediate insight was meant for all us
To see within the rise after descent
Into the underworld – this is how all
The knowledge, world, and art connects, present
A newly single world that breaks the wall
We built opposed to seeing how each one
Is indistinguishable, one and the same.
New shame at seeing all that we have done
Can now be born out of hatred’s old flame.
Acceptance new-found for all of mankind –
One of the gems I’d never thought I’d find.

Acceptance new-found for all of mankind
In who we are in each and every way –
One of the gems I’d never thought I’d find –
Acceptance of fun, sex, our waste, and play.
The world is as much two as it is one –
Good must have evil, woman must have man,
Heat must have cold, and moon must have the sun.
And though we want to, we will never ban
From this old world the messiness of beast –
The sex and soil, the feces, food and scent –
We make — and we should make an endless feast
Out of the joy we feel in this moment.
I now feel I am ready to ascend
Up into this new-found life on the mend.

I now feel I am ready to ascend
Again to this beautiful human world,
Up into this new-found life on the mend,
That makes the old one, that once had been hurled
In the abyss seem really most pathetic
In a comparison to this world I
See now before me. I am sympathetic
Now to this broken world – I could now cry
At how so many will resist this human
World. Fragments are how we can reproduce
The bright symbolic world of minds – so why ban
Our reason, icons, love – it will reduce
In us the very thing that makes us all
Alive – this is what made us humans fall.

In us the very thing that makes us all
Go up above – our art and knowledge – make us
Alive – this is what made us humans fall,
When we denied united as a chorus
All of the things that makes us us – I bring
A light from Hades for all of the world,
A music and new song for us to sing,
A new poetry and myth that I unfurled
From deep and ancient sources, me and past
Now come together – I can bring this art
To you its shining light can brightly cast
On shadows that our culture can impart.
Because I’d loved her more than anyone
Should have, I came in to this crisis and the sun.