An Offer From Our Institutes

Congratulations Susan Harlan! You

Are found most worthy of a place in our

New Institute of Envy Studies due

To all your expertise. You’ll be the flower

Of our institute. We are sure you’ll seed

The future of these studies as we need.

I’m certain you’ll be happy you’ll receive

No money whatsoever – not from banks,

Philanthropies, nor businesses – you’d grieve,

We’re sure, if you were funded by such cranks.

Since money is the root of evil, we

Are happy to ensure your virtue’s free.

We’re also certain we can find a place

Within our Institute of Misanthropic

Beliefs – we know it would be a disgrace

To pay – participation on this topic

Is free from such material concerns—

We’re certain of what in you truly burns.

We hope the summer has not meant we missed

Our opportunity to offer this

To you for you were placed high on the list

Of people we should offer all the bliss

Of being one who we should study for

The vices which make others become poor.