This is a collection of the poetry of Troy Camplin. As each poem is always a work in progress, comments and criticisms will be taken into consideration, and changes, perhaps, made.
Tuesday, January 28, 2014
To Those Whom I Make Bleed
I'm of the Gadfly Party, Socrates
And Nietzsche are my models, worthy friends
To help bring you, complacent, off your knees,
Your spear in hand. Oh, when your life depends
On laziness, when you believe without
A thought, then I will sting you with some doubt.
I'll contradict if I should change my mind --
Consistency is density -- I'll change
With every brand-new fact that I should find.
Give me your views and I will rearrange
Them into something new, with properties
Emerging from the ground like locust trees.
And I will lie beneath the trees and speak
To each who passes by, and I will not
Feel shame upon my death, for I did seek
The good, the true, the beautiful -- you rot
In valleys, too afraid to climb, to fly
And dance -- you live in fear and don't know why.
But when you're challenged, when you're asked to dance,
You find the fire to burn the locusts down,
To swat at those who challenge your romance
Of work and life and those who wear the crown --
You'll drive one mad, you'll make the poison drink
To make sure that you sleep and do not think.
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I think this is excellent, though the turn at the end of stanza 3 is a bit confusing, and maybe the story arc would work better if you introduced your lazy adversaries' counter-attack earlier and concluded with the imminent victory of the gadfly. Loved the meter, by the way.
ReplyDeleteThank you. Did changing it from third to second person in the first few lines of the stanza help with that?
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