Are found most worthy of a place in our
New Institute of Envy Studies due
To all your expertise. You’ll be the flower
Of our institute. We are sure you’ll seed
The future of these studies as we need.
I’m certain you’ll be happy you’ll receive
No money whatsoever – not from banks,
Philanthropies, nor businesses – you’d grieve,
We’re sure, if you were funded by such cranks.
Since money is the root of evil, we
Are happy to ensure your virtue’s free.
We’re also certain we can find a place
Within our Institute of Misanthropic
Beliefs – we know it would be a disgrace
To pay – participation on this topic
Is free from such material concerns—
We’re certain of what in you truly burns.
We hope the summer has not meant we missed
Our opportunity to offer this
To you for you were placed high on the list
Of people we should offer all the bliss
Of being one who we should study for
The vices which make others become poor.